I missed my FATHERS.....

I am leaving alone... far from HOME.....


And one thing I missed .... are my fathers....

Biological and Good Friends who've been my father who helped me walk through life....

Now I am doing things all by myself ....

>missed them so much ....

My Biological Father - Filipino -
Workmate Father - Filipino - "MAGZ" - "Pang"
My American Father - Musician with Global Amnesia -
My 1st Korean Father - "James"
My Japanese Father - "Hiroki Naka"
My 2nd Father - "Miky Hyong" - Gap Jae Shin

I am happy that I have them in my life! They are here in my heart but they are so far, one is in my HOMETOWN (My Real Father) one I will be saying GoodBye (be qutting my JOB), two are back to their country, and one went away for a moment.

Here is a song for them:

The Gift of Forgetting

Everything comes in my mind, I tried not to perceived. But it takes a fake one because no one knows me, the real me.

Whenever I experienced all the pain, anxieties, unfairness, and wrath.

I turn it down to writing.

The pain you get from the past is never easy to erase. It runs with you. And sometimes it can win your race, yes, your past tries to overcome your present. And that is very painful every time, you experienced the silent days, hours and minutes, you remember all those days. You would shed a tear, but you don't know if you really want to feel sad or not.

I have a lot of worries, anxieties that wraps loneliness into me. I am afraid of people who come unnoticed and surprised me with their present outer garment, and even when I get into seeing the real them, I never leave them, but they come and go. They will go, and tomorrow I don't know if they just use the moment or they mean no fake friendship.

This is not the first time I felt unfairness, but why am I so dumbed to feel hurt and later trust people, why do I trust them wholeheartedly, I gave all the best so that they will not feel that I doubted them, but they never let me feel that they do trust me. And they ignorantly rant their opinions that they think to be not so obviously hurting me.

The anger is my fruit, I didn't do anything to harm anyone, can I say that I get all the wrath as a reward. Someone please answer me, but I don't think anyone will agree, everyone is selfish and ruled by greediness self pride.

The hurting doesn't stop there, when I tried explaining they would not let me talk, not a single chance, or if I had the chance to talk they would not accept my ideas, so I would shut up my mouth, they would think I am hypocrite and too fascinating not to feel hurt, did they wished I am superman? or they want to add to their pleasure seeing me in pain?

If I got $20 dollars to buy something over the counter, I wished they have something called "Forgetting Capsule" or a "Drop of Forgetting".

A medicine to keep my life going. A dosage might help me do well, in times I can't battle with it, I'll just take a capsule or a drop, and I'll forget everything.

And I wished to purchase it in a very cheap market price.

Something that we can acquire easily.

In many cases, I won't worry getting over dose, so as long as I can erase them in my memory, I don't want to continue carrying the same thought in my mind, it will turn my brain into a whitehead, a one sided fish, no control and all results don't give a damn.

In an old story, a father says; "that forgetting is a gift, Someone who easily forgets has a very special gift."

But since I don't have that gift I hope they have something for sale.

And if I've got no choice I would consider having a genetical disease called "Alzheimers Disease" many people thinks its a nightmare and a traitor disease but to some people its a gift.

So I want to document everything in writing and forget everything.

I wished to have that gift - Forgetting Easily -

blessed child......

I have been to one of the hospitals here in the city....

I saw how life is really hard, especially in the Pedia Ward...

Many children are not immediately assisted, they are just crying...

And some of the parents just sit down and cry thinking about the

expenses of the hospitalization... I felt how sad it is, when you want

to help people but it seems its not possible because living in the Philippines

is no easy, no premium health insurance for everybody...

But I am sad to be exposed to many people who suffer this kind of thing...

But I am thinking blessed to know that I've never been to the hospital my

parents did not experienced the same burden when they bear me out here....

Thanks Mom and Dad for taking care of me, and Thanks to God for making me strong

until now!

Kawasan Experience...

Very Nice Water!!! And cool people!

Experience of Four

How powerful the water is experienced by four!

what more I could carry ....

three months ago I get a very demanding job ....

No ... it's not that demanding, perhaps I am just pressured because I am working alone.
I worked with a project where I do all the things. It is hard and challenging.

At first I really felt tired, moving with the changes and keeping up with the pace.
I always get new scripts new campaigns... that means you need to put new things in your mind ASAP and bugle them down to be an effective marketing tool....

Honestly it turned out to be very stressful at first .... handling 6 different Campaigns in one Project (Appointment Setting, Order Entry, Closing Sales, Free Membership Set Up, Travel Request, and the side duties to keep the files systematized.)
is never easy.

But I worked hard, I adjusted to be alone, I eat alone, I chill alone, I stop and start alone. But I am learning, I handle my own time, I discipline myself, I ran my own team ... yeah I am my team! I learned to be strong.

And I moved with the changes I have to do good .... I tried getting a hard voice (which sometimes works)... most of the time I brainstorm with my own brain ...
Yeah I learned more of my Intrapersonal... Quick Decision making .... Risk Taker .... and a Comedian of my own.

With all that I got a good figure of appointments made. And a reasonable sales ... (Hard Selling .... I do outbound sales .... and it's very hard.... But I sold two tickets...).

After all these changes and acceptance .... I learned to love it, in just a short time .... I want to do it ... I come to work very early and excited to work as someone who represents Worldwide Travel Savings the only staff from the Philippines... I enjoy talking to people on the phone ( even if I get lots of machines..).

Plus I got a very good American Employer, she taught me a lot of things (still teaching), and gave me a lot of reasons to love my Job. I like her mentality, very far from Filipino Crab Mentality .... And I like how she organized everything ... a well-ordered woman.... She is very cool too... I enjoy having her on my computer
chatting and laughing ... I had so much fun working with her.

And just when I find it comfortable and wanting the Job, I found out a very sad line she sad "He says they normally cancel a campaign when that happens, but he is willing to give me one more week to see how these leads work out. If they don't work out, I will lose you and my contract. I am deeply sorry... You are my best person.... I need to hire more from your office not give up!!! I need to make this work. I promise I am working hard to try. I am making calls myself to help out."

The initial response to that is crying ... (I cannot make calls this morning so I end up writing this) ... I just cried ... I am thinking that I will not only loose the account (project) but also a good employer like Rosemarie.

I want to move on, it could be easy, but for me it's sad and hard because I learned to love my work, and I love it now, I worked hard to make it work .... but still I got this thing .... I feel something so heavy inside my heart ... I will missed .... my work....(I have one more week to try if this will really work....I will do my best and pray for the best...)

not my profession?

Ever since I am a twisted student, I am not rude it's just that my teachers had a hard time teaching me...

In college I took up Electronics and Communication Engineering, yes I want to become an
Engineer but things just change when I need to decide to stop going to school.

I took different Jobs not related to my Profession ... I worked as a Cashier, Cook, and Waiter in a Restaurant. And I am working as a Marketing Associate in one of the BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) Company in our country.

And during Saturdays we don't have a work, and I always go with Ate Angel's(my Marketing Executive) school. We usually spend the day there eating ... eating ... and I would also attend her classes. (Sit in)

Then I am planning to take a Foreign Language Short Term Course ... and seeing the Bulletin Boards for some updates on the course we found a different course ... a course I never thought I would be getting in ...

Yeah we saw the postings for a Part Time ESL Instructor ... And I just thought it could be interesting ... so with Ate Angel we tried to apply for the position...

I never thought it would be that exciting ... We had an interview ... an exam (quite hard) and surprise to be invited for a teaching DEMO...

Waaahh I am amazed ... that the unbearable student before will be taking steps to take the Profession he would not imagine to do. Yeah I will be a TEACHER ...

ANd this is one is much diffirent than what a normal student do inside the classroom ( not like me before ) because I will be handling a Foreign Students who wants to learn how to speak English ... well honestly I still don't have much idea of how hard and tough it will be .... but I am very excited ...

The next day I did my Teaching DEMO, I talked about Foods specifically in making PIZZA in 15 minutes with one Foreign Student ... he is a Korean, his name is Kevin and I really had Fun because he is participating in my Class, Polite and Smart .... (I have no idea that they can be kind, like Kevin).

Then after that I had an interview with one of the Officials of the school ... Ms. Emmeline Hwang .... I had a great time with her, because its like we just had a free talk ... but that time I had a feeling of liking the Job of being a Teacher so I did my best to get the Job ... we've talked a lot and enjoy the conversation so much ...but am still clueless and unsure if I am qualified for the Job or if I could really become a TEACHER!

Suddenly the front desk officer told us that we are invited to comeback tomorrow for a job offer and final interview with Mr. Hwang (the GENERAL MANAGER).

I am confused with the term JOB OFFERED but still need to undergo a final interview.

But still kept on trying, and submitted myself in the SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION OFFICE the next day ... before meeting the GENERAL MANAGER I had the chance to talk to Ms. Hwang again and she talked to me about the JOB and shared to me the contract and was surprise when she told me that they are accepting me to be one of their teachers ...

Waahhhh I could kick my heart that moment was really fantastic and great ... my heart beats so fast and I am so happy... but then am still surprise when she congratulate me and told me that I need to wait in the lobby for a final interview with Mr. Hwang..

The next thing I know is that I am sitting in front of Mr. Hwang reminding me of their strict policy ( We are very strict in attending ....wrong grammar ) But he looks not so biting me ....hehehehe

And he asked me, "How did you know about us?" "We saw a posting at Cebu Normal University (one of the Universities here in Cebu, I replied to him trying to hide my childish mind ...and he sound and looks so serious when he said, "Is Cebu Normal University?" ( he uttered the words so difficult to understand because of his accent) so I did not understand ... and Ms. (Mrs.) Hwang politely told me that Mr. Hwang is just joking ... and before I could react to that he ask me to wait outside and thank me. I shake his hand and thank him too.

Waaahahhhh... I am so happy when they told me that the next day we will be reporting in the school as new TEACHERS .... WOW ..... !!!

And when we had our first day ... Mr. Hwang invited us again in his office for another talk...but this time he ask the whole group of NEW TEACHERS ... I cannot concentrate listening to his message because only until that moment, sunk in to my mind about Mr. Hwang trying to throw a Joke .... and I appreciate it ....he told us that we need to act as Professional to keep us, as member of his Family ... the SCHOOL...

Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh I am a TEACHER now...

TEACHER... TEACHER... TEACHER?

Being a TEACHER is a noble Job for me.

I mean every profession can be considered noble, but being a TEACHER is far different especially here in the Philippines.

Well TEACHERS here are doing a very tough job.

In public schools they will be handling 70-80 students a range of low - moderate - satisfactory students. Where in they get a lot of headaches and needs an undying patience to keep up the pace. And not only that in a day they get two meet a minimum of three same groups of students. And more noble because being a teacher in our country will not make you rich because they get a very minimum compensation from the Government, it's very rare and a heroic act to keep their job and help lots of minds to nourish and flourish.

I am saying all these things because I am not a good student myself, I would always give headache to my teachers.... So I really told myself that I don't want to be a teacher. I cannot afford to entertain a student like myself. BUT!

back in school...

Going to school ... is always a catch of fun and excitement to me ...

When I was in grade school, going to school is not a problem to me ....
I always love to go to school... (walking in narrow streets, joining a flood of school goers in the gate, feeling bored but with all pride lining up to sing the national anthem everyday, always happy to see my seat mates face even for six years in grade school nothing has changed, messing up with others table to find a good conversation during lunch break, enjoying the soil while doing the garden in the school garden, eating the free soup in the morning, and playing a lot.)

That is exactly the same with Midschool and Tertiary School.

And I am not so sure if I would be that happy to be in school after the student life... ( I planned to stop going to school... I am an underGRAD Electronics Communication Engineering Student.)

Not until I knew that once you are still living you are always a student ... it does not need a classroom, a chalk, marker, and a blackboard, but you always need a teacher.

In life our experiences is our TEACHER... we learn from it, we use it to be inspired, and we continue to success simply because of the BASICs of LIFEs teacher, our EXPERIENCES.

And ONE Saturday morning ATE ANGEL (my TEAM LEADER in my WORK) told me that she will be attending her class (she is taking Research for her MASTERS DEGREE) , thought it was a perfect chance to be back in school, so I ask her if I could go with her, and she is so kind to bring me in her school...

And its so crazy to experience the PAST scenarios I had, we walk down the streets, we entered the gate (where a peace officer is waiting to inspect our Identification Card), and walk down the isle where we crossed over the group of students in the special corners of the school like the benches on the pavement, lined up in the Cashier, and the most exciting is the CANTEEN .... yeah we did a lot of eating there... we had the famous ICE CANDY ( a SORBETE sold on retail in the streets of INDIA, also famous in other Tropical Countries including PHILIPPINES.)

And what I did not really expect is during that First Day in school we did a lot of PICTURE TAKING... (waaaahhh... YEAH, but sorry the PICTUREs are not yet available I'll have it here soon!) :)

We take pictures in some of the spots in the school...

And when we get to the DEANs OFFICE, ATE ANGEL inquired for a SHORT Course available... And they say that they'll have it available by July...

Yeap in July I am officially back in school .... I planned (still am) to take a MANDARIN CLASS...

WAHHHHH.... am so excited (still am)!

beer drinking

In the Philippines, our day off is the best day to toss a glass and keep youself full of beer...

It is the best time to get drunk ... because you don't have to worry about your schedule ....for work..

So we had fun with my Landlord ... We drink a lot from Morning 9am till late in the evening 11:30pm ... We had a lot of beer ... And only the two of us shared everything.

That was my first time to drink a lot of beers ... but undeniably I had so much fun
talking any issues we can talk about ...

But I maybe full but not drunk ... I still know what I am doing ...

But in cases like these there are always ... negative sides ...like UNCLE (my landlord) was already up and euphoric, he talks a lot, he does not know what he was talking about ...he talks of his heartaches and every bad feelings he poured out ...

Well for me, drinking is for putting up, we drink to enjoy and to relax your body ... I drink but not to put myself in a dangerous state of mind ...

When you want to say something say it, not when you are drunk, when you want to do something do it, don't depend your strength in a bottle of beer... it does not make any sense ...

I appreciate people who just turn quiet when they get a lot of beers ... and those are the people that i wanted to go with ... easy ... upbuilding and does not get drunk with just one bottle of beer...

try to hear this ...

Hear is the lyrics ....

Bogoshipda ("i Miss You")

(stanza)
Amoori kidaryuhdo nan motka
Babochuhrum oolko inneun (nun)nuh-yi kyuhte
Sangchuhman jooneun nareul weh moreuko kidarini
Tuhnakaran marya

(refrain 1)
Bogoshipda, bogoshipda
Irun nega miwuhjil mankeum
Oolgoshipda, nege mooreup koolko
Modoo uhptun iri dwel soo itdamyun

(chorus)
Michil deus saranghetun ki-uhgi
Choo-uhkdeuri nuhreul chatko itjiman
Duh isang sarang-iran byunmyung eh
Nuhreul kadool soo uhpsuh.
Iruhmyun andwejiman.
Joogeul mankeum bogoshipda.

(instrumental)

(refrain 2)
Bogoshipda, bogoshipda
Irun nega miwuhjil mankeum
Mitkoshipda, orheun kirirago.
Nuhreul wihe duhnayaman handago.

(repeat chorus)

Joogeul mankeum mitkoshipda.

The video is right underneath...try to watch..

more focus ...

just lately I catch a very bad day .... got flu and very hard cough...

and also much of backpains...

And I thought of taking a big break ... but it's not so good to leave your work undone....

Yes, in my work, efficiency is a very good reason to keep you up... my BOSS always
check my performance ... so I have no reason to feel sick if I want to stay on the
same rate ... or else I'll be out of the job! That's how serious it is, especially if you
are the only person who are task to do the job. It's hard and harsh but since it's the
only way I get to have a living, so I have to make a choice, and that choice is to keep
FOCUS!

hehe...that's the only choice I want to keep for now.

taste of minglanilla....

on the shore, patintero

nice one....

inside the resthouse

i'll never go .....

This one's a marvelous phrase ..... it's actually a song.....

which conveys .... my one and big promise....

But I didn't keep up.... Now I am here very far ..... far from my family

my friends, people I love, and people I hate......

Far from all the ridiculers, from hatred, and backstabbing pains....

What I promised is no more real.

I just thought this one big revelation....when I ....

late 9pm heading my way to work..... crossing the MACTAN bridge.....

caressed by a strong wind ..... and under it, is a calm and agreeable water .....

and looking farther is a vast territory of beautifully lighted tall buildings.....

and realized that I am far now ..... I leaved everything ......

say that....

Now that I am far from .... my dad's supervision....my mom's guidance....

I am forced to keep things in my own hands ....

Before I would prefer to keep quite, even if my mind wants to say something....

And most of the time, I would just say yes or no .... and don't even bother to explain why...

Just to keep up with my usual.... state ......simply quite ......

But now, it's totally different .... I have to say what I want to say....

I live my own .... and I need to decide .... If it's a yes or a no , and explain why....

Hehe....And I have to keep things for real, yeah more realistic this time... no more childish

thinking....because I'm living in my own.

taking as far as PUNTA ENGAÑO......

just this afternoon....

I had an appointment to see the doctor....to undergo medical examinations...

when I knew that I will be having a total blood count ... I was surprised and afraid....

I ask to reschedule the test..... then when I went out to see the sun...and suddenly thought of taking a running tour... in the island where I am currently residing.....

Because I am not so much familiar of the place.... so I ride a jeepney taking me to the end of the island....

The Island is called MACTAN....the small highly industrialized island.... next to the BIG Metropolitan Business Island named Cebu City....

Mactan Island has a local city called Lapu Lapu City..... named after the Famous personalities of the Filipino History....

then I am on the jeepney....passing through the great territory of the regions economic zone .... where International Companies houses their production and ASIAN headquarters...from electronics to BPO Companies and.....

I was very excited to take the chance to see one of the sites of the International Film Studio that airs in UK and USA, not to mention the FTV in London......it's the BIGFOOT INTERNATIONAL FILM STUDIO...weeehhh so nice and awesome...

and Ahhh lots of beaches .....club houses , mangrove kayaking....coral reef diving...restaurants......

and glance at the ISLANDS heroic site ..... THE MACTAN SHRINE.....

hahha.....and went as far as SHANGRILA MACTAN.... and HILTON CEBU....two of the most loved hotel and beach resorts...in this region.....

wow lovely.....I wished I have my digicam and afford to take stops on thos exciting places...

well, next time....hahaha

what a good afternoon....

am i near?....

My biggest dream is to live in my adopted hometown AMERICA...

and I illusion the feeling of coming close to it... because of my JOB...

Hehe..because I am working as a Marketing Associate.....here in the philippines...

that outsources services and products of USA and UK clients.....

That means 8 hours in a day... when I am servicing USA and UK areas...talking to people from these

lands....gives me the feeling ..... as if I am already in my future home....AMERICA.

one dawn....

I woke up in bed.....4 o clock in the morning...because my body calls me to be in action....

Change of body clock....Because of my working schedule....I am a night owl....

And then I walked the streets....Saw a food stall selling a rice staple food called "puto"
matched with a hot chocolate drink "sikwati".....I dropped by to fill in something in my
stomach....

And continue walking......and saw a tree lane....waaahhh and was very excited to walk along it...
(because I'm very excited and fond of korean films .... which illustrates tree lane as friendship...)

finally I had the feeling walking through it.....waahhh...t'was like a feeling that I am in Korea...cheeze.....

And reach as far as Cebu International Airport....hehe...I just feel walking one morning.....

everything changed....

I had my best friend in mid school.

Just when I found the perfect buddy... a lot of things comes differently.

I've learned to learn things before saying I can't.

I've experienced winning even if not all fights I've won.

He came like a big blessing.

I expanded my dreams, I participated in school, I discover more of the things that I can do that I never knew I could do.

I aimed high and higher... I experienced staying in the top... because I can... with his help...

I am even more adventurous and willing to improve.... I've learned fighting the hopeless fights...

And in this life, I could say that when I've met my best friend ... there's a great change ...

Now that he is, not with me ... a lot of things are changing again .... tracking to ... where I began

zero percent brave heart and a hundred percent of depressing attitude....

Wahhh ..... I didn't learn...

I miss my best friend.....