Will I go back to where I came from?

I am confused about the things I want to do in my life...

I want to accomplish a lot of things. I want to help a lot of people.
But now I am confused where one makes a satisfying work. I know what it is. But I want to do more and more....

And sometimes I wish to go back to old things, but I am unsure if I like to see same faces that grow old (go home) or move with life and meet a lot of new people??

I am sometimes feeling the need of a companion, but I usually come alone, I have many friends, I look for a place where I belong, but I get so crazy to think where things will bring us...

The more people I meet, the more guilty I feel, that I cannot be with them until forever...


었엏개???

I missed my FATHERS.....

I am leaving alone... far from HOME.....


And one thing I missed .... are my fathers....

Biological and Good Friends who've been my father who helped me walk through life....

Now I am doing things all by myself ....

>missed them so much ....

My Biological Father - Filipino -
Workmate Father - Filipino - "MAGZ" - "Pang"
My American Father - Musician with Global Amnesia -
My 1st Korean Father - "James"
My Japanese Father - "Hiroki Naka"
My 2nd Father - "Miky Hyong" - Gap Jae Shin

I am happy that I have them in my life! They are here in my heart but they are so far, one is in my HOMETOWN (My Real Father) one I will be saying GoodBye (be qutting my JOB), two are back to their country, and one went away for a moment.

Here is a song for them:

The Gift of Forgetting

Everything comes in my mind, I tried not to perceived. But it takes a fake one because no one knows me, the real me.

Whenever I experienced all the pain, anxieties, unfairness, and wrath.

I turn it down to writing.

The pain you get from the past is never easy to erase. It runs with you. And sometimes it can win your race, yes, your past tries to overcome your present. And that is very painful every time, you experienced the silent days, hours and minutes, you remember all those days. You would shed a tear, but you don't know if you really want to feel sad or not.

I have a lot of worries, anxieties that wraps loneliness into me. I am afraid of people who come unnoticed and surprised me with their present outer garment, and even when I get into seeing the real them, I never leave them, but they come and go. They will go, and tomorrow I don't know if they just use the moment or they mean no fake friendship.

This is not the first time I felt unfairness, but why am I so dumbed to feel hurt and later trust people, why do I trust them wholeheartedly, I gave all the best so that they will not feel that I doubted them, but they never let me feel that they do trust me. And they ignorantly rant their opinions that they think to be not so obviously hurting me.

The anger is my fruit, I didn't do anything to harm anyone, can I say that I get all the wrath as a reward. Someone please answer me, but I don't think anyone will agree, everyone is selfish and ruled by greediness self pride.

The hurting doesn't stop there, when I tried explaining they would not let me talk, not a single chance, or if I had the chance to talk they would not accept my ideas, so I would shut up my mouth, they would think I am hypocrite and too fascinating not to feel hurt, did they wished I am superman? or they want to add to their pleasure seeing me in pain?

If I got $20 dollars to buy something over the counter, I wished they have something called "Forgetting Capsule" or a "Drop of Forgetting".

A medicine to keep my life going. A dosage might help me do well, in times I can't battle with it, I'll just take a capsule or a drop, and I'll forget everything.

And I wished to purchase it in a very cheap market price.

Something that we can acquire easily.

In many cases, I won't worry getting over dose, so as long as I can erase them in my memory, I don't want to continue carrying the same thought in my mind, it will turn my brain into a whitehead, a one sided fish, no control and all results don't give a damn.

In an old story, a father says; "that forgetting is a gift, Someone who easily forgets has a very special gift."

But since I don't have that gift I hope they have something for sale.

And if I've got no choice I would consider having a genetical disease called "Alzheimers Disease" many people thinks its a nightmare and a traitor disease but to some people its a gift.

So I want to document everything in writing and forget everything.

I wished to have that gift - Forgetting Easily -

blessed child......

I have been to one of the hospitals here in the city....

I saw how life is really hard, especially in the Pedia Ward...

Many children are not immediately assisted, they are just crying...

And some of the parents just sit down and cry thinking about the

expenses of the hospitalization... I felt how sad it is, when you want

to help people but it seems its not possible because living in the Philippines

is no easy, no premium health insurance for everybody...

But I am sad to be exposed to many people who suffer this kind of thing...

But I am thinking blessed to know that I've never been to the hospital my

parents did not experienced the same burden when they bear me out here....

Thanks Mom and Dad for taking care of me, and Thanks to God for making me strong

until now!